Happily Divorced and After

Nagging

The number one complaint I hear from men about existing and past relationships and marriages. How it drives or drove them away…all that nagging and complaining.

Checking In

Another popular complaint, why do I have to check in? I don’t even check in with my mother!

The Root

As a woman, as much as a man hates their woman nagging them to death, we also equally hate being considered a “brat” and having to pester, remind you of your worth and ours.

Nagging derives from the origination of a dislike, concern, or care for a person’s wellbeing. This dislike or concern at best was a derivative (maybe the 4th, 5th or 6th) from a soothing expression of our care for you. Our “care” for you reaching your potential of being the best husband, boyfriend, father, professional, friend you can be. We want you to thrive and are your

number one cheerleaders. Our initial good intentions have been elevated, as we view the man has disregarded our concern and care for them as a being and their care for us. Thus the initial calming expression of our concern has transformed into frustration.

When you are or attaining to become a significant part of  a woman’s life, we like to let you into our world by sharing what goes on when you are not around. We also expect that same reciprocity. We like to know if you are going away and made it safely. Not because there is distrust or we are trying to map all of your whereabouts…But because we care for your well-being and have an interest in what goes on in your life when we are not around. Reaching adulthood, attaining your own place, having financial independence…you are now beating to your own drum. Willing to share your life with someone, by way of marriage or attempting to achieve exclusivity, adjustments should be made. Pursuing a relationship and being in one……you should want to let that person know your whereabouts and share what makes you

being who you are. So why not check-in?

The Tamer

The examples of successful marriages and relationships that I have seen in my life, are those where there is an understanding between two people of their expectations and each other’s limitations. While there is disagreement, there is respect for each other’s feelings that the two are willing to come up with a solution. During my travel days with my business colleagues that were married…..I always remember them excusing themselves for 5 minutes to check in with their spouse that they arrived safely, making sure the kids had a normal day and etc. Through several interactions with my married male friends, whom I view have a successful marriage….there was always references of them accommodating their wives “reasonable” expectations. They wanted to avoid the “nag”…..they eventually got it and realized that they are loved and their significant other just wants them to thrive in the best way that he can. Similarly my married lady friends would state the same….maybe it wasn’t the “nag” they were avoiding…in their case the “silent treatment”.

Taming Alternative 1)

Avoiding the “nag” and accepting the “check-in”

• Listen to your woman
• Realize her intentions are from the heart and are not ill-willed
• Adjust and accommodate to her needs
• Or reconcile an understanding

Taming Alternative 2)

• Ignore the “nag”
• Disregard the “Check-in”

The “nag” does not continue in perpetuity. Us as women become tired of hearing our own thoughts knowing they’re not acknowledged. We are not as long-winded as men think. Eventually the “nag” and inquiry of our significant other whereabouts dwindles……we have reached an understanding that our expectations and theirs are not correlated. We stop loving, caring and thinking of your well-being. We become “tamed”…that person whom we thought was significant in our life…..loses his “shrew” and “bugaboo” and often reluctantly regrets as that “shrew”  moves on and eventually transforms into someone else’s queen. Thus goal accomplished we are “tamed” but you as the man who decided to ignore and disregard are now alone.

Written by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.c

om where she discusses relationship
issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with

a quirky and comedic twist.

Posted by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.com where she discusses relationship issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with a quirky and comedic twist.

Posted by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.com where she discusses relationship issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with a quirky and comedic twist.

Many times when entering in a relationship or friendship there is initial acceptance of a certain level of trust. What increases your level of comfort with someone? Is it time that has elapsed since initially engaged with that person or the depth of your communication?

When reflecting over obstacles faced in my relationships, I cannot help but to say to myself, now had we communicated our thoughts better this issue would of been a moot topic. In my opinion, trust and communication are directly correlated. Between two people of the opposite sex, this becomes a challenge. When speaking to my girlfriends we have very descriptive conversations, share our emotions whether it is the way our feet felt in our brand new pumps when we hit the town last night or how we are excited in meeting a new guy. Men on the other hand tend to be more reserved, keep it simple share on a need to know basis. If you want to know how there day was, you have to pry it out by asking specific questions. “What type of feedback did you receive from your manager on the presentation you were up all night preparing for?” Not just how did it go. On the other hand, when a man asks a woman how her day went, we as women will start to tell a story. We discuss  how our boss looked at us, what they were wearing and want it to be interpreted by our mate.  But men don’t want to hear all that. They just want to know it went well and as a result there will be a peaceful evening.

The imbalance in my opinion can create trust issues if the man and woman aren’t understanding of the communication expectations from each other. What communication feedback do I as a woman want and need in a relationship? When initiating the possibility of a relationship: communicate expectations upfront. When you are dating: still communicate updated expectations. When exclusively dating or married: still communicate updated expectations. When I refer to expectations not I want to get married in so many months. Gees relax men! Some men hear expectations and think us women are trying to race them to the altar or give them a long list of rules. No not the case at all. In my opinion for most women, we want to hear what type of woman our potential mate likes and explain what keeps us attracted. What thrives you and goals do you have are the questions we want answered. Now these expectations change. So it is important for both mates to stay updated. Only difference is that maybe the communication will need to be more direct and less colorful when speaking to a man. For the man he will need to step up his convo and be a bit more descriptive.

When there are too many unknown variables….alternative conclusions and assumptions are made. Expectations are not met and trust begins to erode as opposed to increasing. Hence, in my opinion communication and trust are intertwined together.

What Are Your Thoughts? Do You Think Communication Fosters Trust?