WSSN Stories

By Carl Edwards, MBA, ChFC

Wow, what an amazing market ride over the last few years!  Running on tracks laid by an unprecedented Federal Reserve monetary easing program, the market has once again run to new all-time highs and appears to still have some steam. Or does it?

While no one really knows the answer to this, it is important to remember history as a guide, and to think about the future — your future.  It wasn’t all that long ago that the world’s financial system was shaken to its core, leaving many retirees running for shelter from the Ebola-like symptoms displayed by world financial systems.  Fear over which institution or country would next display the almost certain deadly symptoms ran rampant.

I am certainly not echoing the calls of the past and screaming it’s time to get your guns and gold.  I am, however, pointing out to consumers the recent and vivid reminders of the importance to get back to the basics with your financial planning this New Year.  If we fail to remember the past, we repeat it.  You have worked too hard preparing for this time in your life.

Let’s review three vital elements you should implement in your retirement plan this New Year.

1. Get your annual financial check-up.  How can we possibly forget to do this?  Annual check-ups are the number one preventative care tool at our disposal.  While many individuals should be meeting more regularly with their financial advisor, everyone should have at least the minimum of an annual visit.  Problems creep up and this is often the best way to catch them before it is too late.
2. Don’t forget to diversify.  Are you working with a broker who always wants to sell you mutual funds full of stocks and bonds?  Does your annuity guy think every dime you have should be stuffed into insurance products?  The reality is they are probably both wrong.  Find an advisor this year who knows the benefits of each of these products, but who also knows the value of how they work together.  Diversification is important and it may include each of these products along with other assets such as individual stocks and bonds, Certificates of Deposit (structured and fixed), Business Development Companies, Real Estate Investment Trusts, precious metals, and numerous other investments.
3. Rebalance, Rebalance, Rebalance.  With the great equity run up we have encountered since the lows of March 2009, it is vital to remember that we must continue to evaluate our investment portfolios.  While equity portfolios have risen significantly since that time, other areas of our portfolio may not have fared so well, leaving our risk levels in need of adjustment. It is often a good idea to capture some of those hard-earned gains.  You never know — the next major pullback could be just around the corner.  Be prudent, not greedy!

About Carl

Carl Edwards, MBA, ChFC®, is a Chartered Financial Consultant® and is the owner of C.E. Wealth Group,. He has passed the Series 7, Series 66 and Series 63 securities industry exams. In addition, he has passed the Series 24 principal exam. He represents High Street Asset Management as an Investment Adviser Representative and Calton & Associates, Inc. as a Registered Representative.  The views expressed in this article reflect the opinion of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of Calton & Associates, Inc. or High Street Asset Management. Information contained in this article is not a recommendation, solicitation, or offer to buy or sell securities.  Opinions expressed are subject to change without notice and are not intended as investment advice or to predict future performance. Past performance does not guarantee future results.  Individuals should consult a financial professional before making investment decisions.  Edwards is also a licensed insurance agent in Life, Health, Medicare Supplement and Long Term Care insurances. Edwards received a master’s degree in business administration and is currently completing a second master’s degree in finance from Penn State University. He also is a member of the American MENSA.

WASHINGTON — On December 1, the global community observes and honors World AIDS Day, remembering all those affected by HIV and AIDS.  Since 2009, the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation, Incorporated (CBCF) and 18 national black and Latino civil rights organizations have worked as Act Against AIDS Leadership Initiative (AAALI), a coalition funded by the Centers for Disease Control. AAALI partners have implemented 2,400 HIV/AIDS related events in collaboration with their 400 chapters and collaborative partners, which yielded more than 3.6 million attendees.

“World AIDS Day serves as an opportunity to educate the public on key issues driving this epidemic,” said A. Shuanise Washington, president and chief executive officer, CBCF. “Unfortunately, African Americans represent the highest rate of new HIV infections. The CBCF and its partners will continue engaging the public to reinforce that knowledge is our strongest weapon against the disease.”

The CBCF has also been a key partner working with Howard University Hospital in organizing the International Stigma Conference, currently in its fifth year.  “Stigma is one of the leading causes of people not getting and staying in treatment,” stated Washington.  “In order to have an AIDS-Free generation, we must not only educate, but work on how to change behavior.”

ABOUT CBCF

The Congressional Black Caucus Foundation, Incorporated, established in 1976, is a non-partisan, non-profit, public policy, research and educational institute intended to broaden and elevate the influence of African Americans in the political, legislative and public policy arenas.

Publishers Commentary by Wallace J. Allen

Ferguson, Missouri… the past (the thought), the present (the word), and the future (the echo) cannot be nor do they belong in the same room, space, or thought! There must be distance between them or chaos and confusion will reign.

Even if the Ferguson Grand Jury had indicted Officer Wilson, that would not solve the problem. If Officer Wilson were tried and found guilty, that would not solve the problem! Ferguson is only a symptom.   The fact that the Grand Jury found no reason to even have a trial is in fact an example of the real problem. It is truly the merging of the thought, the word and of the echo. It says that “We, society, the instituters and shepherds of institutional racism, so fear retaliation from All Blacks (The Thought) that we, society prepare for All Blacks to act anti-socially by treating them or their children, or children who look like their children, as if they have all ready acted so (The Word) to the point where indeed some Blacks will follow the script and retaliate… (The Echo)!

As a result of Some Blacks retaliating against racism by burning down and looting businesses that serve their community, public safety officers’ respond by letting them do so. As if to say, “If you get mad because we shoot your bad-assed kids, we will get mad and let them burn your community down.”

Ferguson is a symptom of a much deeper problem in America. The problem stems from the lingering echoes of the good ole days of official and lawful racism; institutional racism that despite not being lawful, is still official and alive and well!

The statistics describing Black males not only prove that racism is alive but also represent an undeclared State of Emergency. Black males are disproportionately represented in school suspensions and expulsions, in arrests and sentence as well as being unemployed.  Black males are identified and branded early as potential trouble makers and taken through the process to guarantee that the prediction comes true.  History shows that Institutional Racism is indeed, “How to Get Away with Murder.”

Ferguson is a symptom!  The solution will come only after a real examination of the problem. Our institutions harbor racism and encourage racists! The only way to have change is to make change!

Lou Coleman

By Lou Coleman

Yeah, I said it! It’s Not about You Boo Boo… It’s About God! And one day you may really find that from God’s point-of-view, It Really Isn’t about You at All; It Is All About Loving Him. If you and I decide to put these puny little lives of our ahead of God then some day we may hear God declare, none of these shall taste of My supper. Radical? Perhaps. Scriptural? It is! And so, with that knowledge and understanding, remember this about your life. It’s not about you!  Yes, you are God’s beloved person, but in Ezekiel 36:22, God says, “I am not doing this for you, Israel; I am doing it for my own Name’s sake.” And, there are scriptures like that throughout the Bible to give us a hint that even though God delivers us, even though God gives us great things, He gives us grace, and He offers us salvation, He wants to give us glory in His kingdom, ultimately and predominately salvation is about God and His Glory. Don’t Get It Twisted!

Sometimes in life we get so caught up in doing things in order to achieve certain things that WE FORGET that God is in control. We need to recognize and accept that our purpose here on earth is to glorify God and that is not really done through our own achievements but rather through what God is able to achieve through us.  We must understand that as we come to the understanding of our place in the kingdom of God that we must be willing to decrease so that Jesus can increase, because it is so easy to get trapped in promoting self rather than God. Why do we not yet see all things submitted to Him? When Paul said, “No, I but Christ,” he was saying “He must increase, but I must decrease.”  Just as all things are working together towards God’s purpose of increasing Christ, so all things are working together towards decreasing us. It does not matter if we understand it or comprehend it. It does not matter if you believe in it or agree with it. You are being decreased just the same, and Christ is being increased. It MUST be so, therefore it IS so.

I tell you it is better to relinquish everything now, on a voluntary basis, and lose your life in order to gain your real Life. It is more glorious to enter the Kingdom out of a desire to give Christ the preeminence than to enter kicking and screaming and crying because you love yourself too much. Make no mistake, if it is the Kingdom you seek, the Kingdom you will find, but you must be changed in order to enter therein. If you seek power from God you will have to accept weakness in yourself. If you want to rule with Him you must suffer with Him; If you want His life you must give up your life. You can have either one you want, but you cannot have both. There is no increase without decrease, and there is no decrease without increase.  Don’t Get It Twisted!

It was with considerable grace and humility that John said, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). What can we learn from this statement? Like John we will always be inferiority to God.  John reminds us that the gospel is more important than any one person.  When you realize that people are talking more about you, than the God you serve, then you have increased and  God is decreasing, and that’s a big problem, and God is definitely not pleased with that. Don’t allow the wrath of God to come down on you, because of disobedience (Ephesians 5:6); it will get worse before it gets better.

Listen, we are in the last days, where scoffers are walking after their own lusts(2 Peter 3:2)  “See then that ye walk circumspectly not as fools but as wise redeeming the time because the days are evil, wherefore be not unwise but understand what the will of the Lord is(Ephesians 5:15-17). Besides, when you refuse to decrease so God can increase it shows that you are of the world and an enemy of God.

I don’t know who this message is for, but to God be the glory, praise, honor, and thanks for using me to write it. It is not bashing, it is truth. Don’t Get It Twisted!

May the Son be increased through these words.

By Frank Clemente

Shoppers will be lining up at the crack of dawn on “Black Friday” for spectacular deals. What they don’t know is that the best bargains have already been taken – not by other shoppers, but by some of America’s largest corporations.

Walmart, the biggest corporation in America, with revenues of almost half a trillion dollars, gets a $1 billion tax break each year on average by exploiting federal tax loopholes, according to a new report from Americans for Tax Fairness. Taxpayers, even those lined up in the early morning darkness at giant retailers like Walmart, pay the price.

How? First, the more big corporations dodge paying their fair share of taxes, the more American families and small businesses have to make up, or else there is less money available for critical investments, such as rebuilding our crumbling roads and bridges, improving education and making college more affordable, or finding new medical cures.

When Black Friday shoppers check the prices, they’ll never see these hidden costs of tax avoidance. But when Americans figure out what’s going on they’ll have a bad case of the Black Friday Blues.

The $1 billion Walmart “saves” by ducking its fair share of federal taxes is a low estimate. It doesn’t count the taxes Walmart is avoiding on $21.4 billion in profits held offshore. Walmart has paid nothing to the U.S. Treasury on those earnings because corporations can indefinitely postpone paying U.S. taxes on offshore profits until they are brought back to America.

The retail giant is also working with other large corporations to deeply cut U.S. corporate tax rates. So while American families and small businesses continue to recover from the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, huge corporations making record profits are trying to rewrite the law so they pay much less in taxes.

If these corporations are successful, they will blow a $1.3 trillion hole in the federal budget over the next 10 years. Walmart alone will pocket $720 million a year on average – in addition to the $1 billion it already “saves” from current tax loopholes.

Big companies know that cutting corporate taxes isn’t popular with the public. Americans are outraged that profitable companies like General Electric, Verizon and Boeing – as well as 23 others – paid absolutely nothing in taxes over the past five years, according to the watchdog group Citizens for Tax Justice. Polls show that American families oppose lower corporate tax rates; instead, they want a more equitable tax system in which corporations and the wealthy pay their fair share.

Fighting for an unpopular cause like lowering corporate tax rates could hurt corporate brands with the public. So Walmart and other companies pay large industry coalitions to do the work of waging media campaigns and cajoling members of Congress. Walmart is the only big box retailer that gives to all three of the industry groups that are trying to put a good face on bad policy – the RATE (Reforming America’s Taxes Equitably) Coalition, Alliance for Competitive Taxation and the Business Roundtable.

These organizations decry the 35 percent tax rate corporations are supposed to pay on profits when they know full well that they actually pay far less. Profitable corporations paid U.S. income taxes amounting to just 12.6 percent of worldwide income in 2010, according to the Government Accountability Office.

Walmart itself sends 74 lobbyists to twist arms on Capitol Hill, and tax issues are its No. 1 priority. It has spent $32.6 million lobbying over the past five years. It also tries to buy access to lawmakers by contributing heavily to their campaigns – giving $6.1 million since 2009, disproportionately to members of the two Congressional tax-writing committees.

Walmart wants to convince shoppers to flock to its stores on Black Friday to take advantage of low prices. What it doesn’t want you to know is that those prices come at a high cost of taxes dodged.

If large corporations succeed in slashing corporate tax rates, the effects on our country will be severe. For millions of American families and small businesses it will mean higher taxes, fewer services or a higher national debt.  Today’s “Black Friday blues” could turn into a full-blown economic hangover.

Clemente is executive director of Americans for Tax Fairness, a coalition of 425 national and state organizations.

Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D

By Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.

Parenting is the most important and rewarding part of life.  We have the divine opportunity to teach love, confidence, compassion, discipline and responsibility to another person. We will know what kind of parent we are by how we see our children get along, succeed and interact in the world. When love is the foundation of parenting we raise goal-driven children, rather than entitled children. If we love our children we mentor and discipline them. 

6 Tips to Raising a Goal-Driven Child

1) Love Connection: Children who are parenting with a sense of love, security and well-being from the beginning of life will spend the rest of their lives striving to keep that feeling. Children who are valued emotionally, given security, touch, eye contact, time, attention and patience become motivated to repair their sense of well-being when they lose it because it has already been integrated into their sense of self.

2) Self-Worth: Children who feel significant and included in the lives of their parents and whose parents are committed, involved, and supportive in their lives and activities develop a sense of self-worth. They believe in their abilities to succeed, to fail and get back up, to look any man, woman or situation in the face and be proud of who they are.

3.) Use Your Child’s Name:  Using your child’s name makes them feel important. Use their name when you are giving compliments, so they take that compliment as being directly related to their value. It tells them they are real and special.  Using their name helps soften discipline because you are making them a person, rather than a faulty behavior.

4) Rewards Carry Over:  As your child gets older make sure to encourage and compliment their talents and interests. Celebrate them that they are able to do something well.  As they get this feeling of gratification it will carry over and help them to be more open to try and achieve new things. Rewards are the beginning of the development of internal motivation creating self-starters.

5) Set Your Children Up for Success: Children assess their value by how they are perceived by others. It will be important to not let your child quit what they start but also not to force them to do what they really don’t want to do. This balance helps your child to learn they must finish what they start but if they aren’t interested long-term is some endeavor, they may choose to stop. This is good for the exploration of their identity and also to learn the value of commitment and passion.

6) Give Your Children Responsibilities:  Children need jobs. One of the main ways children develop self-love, motivation, confidence and values is through helping maintain the family home. Giving children household duties helps them experience their worth and it provides them a sense of accomplishment and reward.

Little Life Message: Children need to know that hard work is their way to success.  They learn that to achieve their goals responsibilities come first and leisure comes second. 

Sherrie Campbell, PhD is a veteran, licensed Psychologist with two decades of clinical training and experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California.  In her private practice, she currently specializes in psychotherapy with adults and teenagers, including marriage and family therapy, grief counselling, childhood trauma, sexual issues, personality disorders, illness and more. She has helped individuals manage their highest high and survive their lowest low—from winning the lottery to the death of a child.  Her interactive sessions are as unique and impactful as her new book, Loving Yourself : The Mastery of Being Your Own Person.

She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology in 2003 and has regularly contributes to numerous publications, including Intent.com, Beliefnet.com, DrLaura.com and Hitched.com.  She is also an inspirational speaker, avid writer and proud mother.  She can be reached at Sherriecampbellphd.com.

Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person is available on Amazon.com and other fine booksellers. 

SACRAMENTO – Assemblymember Cheryl R. Brown Issues the following statement commenting on the President Obama’s Executive Order on immigration:

“Our nation’s immigration system has needed reform for years. I applaud the President for taking decisive action to ensure that millions of immigrant families will be able to stay together and become active members of their respective communities. These actions not only support immigrant families, but also assist our nation’s economy and national security. This is an important first step in reforming our immigration system, but Congress must work with the President to pass comprehensive immigration reform next year.”

While overeating and Thanksgiving are virtually synonymous, cooking accidents and Turkey Day, unfortunately, go hand in hand, too.

Because of the latter, Southern California Edison (SCE) urges its customers to add a healthy dose of safety to their preparations this Thanksgiving, since the National Fire Protection Association says cooking is the leading cause of home fires on a day that has three times more home fires than any other day of the year.

Unattended cooking is the culprit in most of those fires, said the U.S. Fire Administration.

“It’s easy to get distracted while cooking and entertaining family and friends on Thanksgiving Day,” said Don Neal, SCE director of Corporate Environmental, Health and Safety. “But you should never leave cooking equipment or appliances unattended for any reason. It is imperative that you turn them off or have someone else watch them if you leave the room. It only takes a few inattentive seconds to ruin your holiday.”

About 2,000 fires occur each year in the U.S. on Thanksgiving Day, causing on average five fatalities, 15 injuries and $21 million in property damage, according to the fire administration.

Additionally, customers should ensure that appliances bear the Underwriters Laboratories (UL) mark. UL is the leading independent product safety organization, and they do not currently certify the use of turkey fryers.

SCE recommends some other safety tips for Thanksgiving:

• Replace appliances with frayed cords. Contact with them can cause electric shock and serious injury.
• Plug countertop appliances into Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter (GFCI)-protected outlets.
• Locate all appliances away from the sink. Remember, water and electricity do not mix.
• Do not overload outlets with multiple adaptors or power strips.
• Do not use extension cords with major appliances.
• Never fight an electrical or grease fire with water. Keep a fire extinguisher, UL listed and rated for electrical and grease fires, nearby.
• Unplug appliances that aren’t in use, preventing them from being turned on accidentally.
• Keep appliance cords out of reach of children and keep the floor clear of other cords to prevent falls.

For more on electrical safety at home, visit on.sce.com/staysafe. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook.

About Southern California Edison

An Edison International (NYSE:EIX) company, Southern California Edison is one of the nation’s largest electric utilities, serving a population of nearly 14 million via 4.9 million customer accounts in a 50,000-square-mile service area within Central, Coastal and Southern California.

Lou Coleman

By Lou Coleman

The Word coming from most pulpits today is weakening, rather than empowering God’s people. Careful!  The apostle Paul wrote to his young protégé, Timothy, warning him to do the things that will avoid the trend we are now seeing in the church. “I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the Word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” {2Tim. 4:1-5}. I tell you, as shepherds of God’s flock, preachers should have no scruples to preach the Truth as it is found in God’s Word. Let the Truth cut. So what! The Truth always cut one way or the other. I have been shown that why ministers have not more success is they are afraid of hurting feelings, fearful of not being courteous, and they lower the standard of Truth. But I come to tell you that the Truth must be made pointed, and the necessity of a decision urged. As servants of God we must cry aloud, and spare not, and leave the result with God.  STOP SUGARCOATING the Word of God and Preach the Word of God, AS IS!

Yes I often speak candidly. That is because I have been given a mandate by God to Sound the Alarm! And I only speak the way God instructs me.  If you didn’t know God has called some to bring positive words of encouragement and comfort and hope. Some He’s called to be those who exhort and rebuke and correct. I just happen to be the latter. But in the midst of all the “uprooting and tearing down and destroying and overthrowing,” hope is offered beyond judgment.  You know, like Jeremiah {Titus 2:`15} God said to me, “You are not going to have a delightful, prosperous ministry, because when they hear what you have to tell them, they’re going to reject it and they’re going to reject you, despising you and your words the whole way through, but I’ll be with you.  God knew Jeremiah, chose Jeremiah, and appointed Jeremiah. He was known by name, hand-picked by God, and commissioned to serve. And the Lord did not give Jeremiah a joyful message of deliverance to announce, but a tragic message of judgment. Consequently, Jeremiah was misunderstood, persecuted, arrested, and imprisoned. More than once his life was threatened because the people did not want to hear the Truth. But Jeremiah told them plainly they were defying the Lord, disobeying the law, and destined for judgment, and He has called me to do the same. You are “Threading on Dangerous Grounds – Careful!”

Listen, God expects obedience, immediately. If we don’t we are in danger of God’s wrath.  Immediate obedience is the only appropriate response when God calls.  Has God called you? Then He will fulfill His purpose in you, He will equip you, He will enable you, He will protect you, He will accompany you.  He will accomplish his purpose no matter how the people respond. Woe to you if you do not preach the gospel and even greater woe if you preach it in error. Remember you will give an account for what you have said. So Preach the Word, not just part of the Word. Preach the Word completely, totally, comprehensively. Paul said he did not hesitate to proclaim the whole will of God {Acts 20:27}.  Do not dilute the Word. Do not distort the Word. Do not delete the Word.  Do not substitute the Word. Preach the Word always, and don’t let your life contradict the message you Preach and do not allow the fear of men to silence your Preaching.

According to Peter, writing in Chapter 3 of his letter, we should, first keep our minds on the will of God. Besides, who is there to harm us if we should prove zealous for what is good? And even if we should suffer for the sake of righteousness, we are blessed. So do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence, and keep a good conscious so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better, if God would will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.

Don’t you know that Jesus was never motivated by how His message would be received? In fact, He reduced His congregation to just a faithful few after preaching on sacrifice. They walked away. He didn’t chase after them. He didn’t change His message to cheer them up. When they sought sweet words, He gave them Truth. It is essential that we teach the whole counsel of God. I tell you, you are “Threading on Dangerous Grounds – Careful!”

Listen; do not be afraid of men. We have the promise of God’s prevailing, “Today, I am the One who has made you a fortified city, an iron pillar, and bronze walls against the whole land, against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priest, and the population. They will fight against you but never prevail over you, since I am with you to rescue you” (Jer. 1:18-19) Notice the architectural terms: a fortified city, an iron pillar, and bronze walls. They are solid and unshakeable like the God who conceived us and the prophet whom they would come to characterize. God reassured Jeremiah. Attack you they will… overcome you they can’t. Let me say that again. Attack you they will… overcome you they can’t. So the person who stands with God will prevail.   So No Corners-cut, No Pacifying, No Round-about Way! Don’t trim your message to fit the masses. Preach the Word continually, exclusively, completely and courageously. If you don’t you are, “Threading on Dangerous Grounds – Careful!”

Dr. JoAnne Barge

By Dr. JoAnne Barge

With the Thanksgiving holiday right around the corner, we start the slow methodical progression toward what is, for many, the most stressful time of the year: The Holidays.

Families will be together, in the pressure-cooker of close quarters, and while the proximity has the intended goal of a renewed sense of connection, it unfortunately often ends up with the question of why we put ourselves through the ringer year after year.

Dr. Joanne Barge, a licensed Psychologist based in Los Angeles CA has some tips on how families can better cope with arguments over everything from who the better cook is to which football game to watch; arguments which really are more about underlying tension than the topic at hand.

“Much of the reason we have difficulty with family members stems from a deep-seeded desire to be seen & understood for who we are. When we want to be heard and this doesn’t happen, we feel hurt, rejected and anxious which can easily turn into anger,” explains Dr. Barge.

One of the ways this can manifest is in an argument about who is right. Nothing can be more sabotaging than the need to be right! It is a good idea to ask yourself rather you would prefer to be happy or right? If you want to be happy & enjoy your holiday, forget right, perceptions usually differ & right has nothing to do with anything except ego.

Dr. Barge says, “The key is to let go, find ways to validate yourself beforehand & expect to deal with differing points of view.”

• Set realistic expectations: The dynamic in any family system has a long history and likely will not change on this one day. Don’t expect it to. And don’t expect the aunt who always says something nasty to be nice this year.
• Set boundaries: If Uncle Sal usually gets to his third gin and tonic by 2 p.m. and by 3 p.m. the train is coming off the rails, plan to leave at the first sign things are getting out of control.
• Practice a ‘change of perspective’, try to detach with love i.e., Care about your loved ones but detach yourself from the things that bother you so much!
• Do not attempt to ‘control’ the interaction: Dysfunctional family members view this as a rationale to act even more abusive because you’ve just signaled that you are in the ring and ready to rumble!
• Practice staying in touch with your own inner source of ‘power’: Sometimes all it takes is a trip to the bathroom to take a deep breathe and remind yourself of a few select quotes that calm you down. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, but avoid reacting. Don’t jump into the ring (if there is one) but instead decide to look for the best in others.
• Practice active listening: Focus on what the other person has to say, don’t interrupt, show interest and don’t give advice unless you are asked for it. If all else fails and someone is telling you you’re the worst Yahtzee player that ever lived, a simple response of “you may be right” will diffuse the situation and then you can exit the activity without having to dump the iced tea pitcher on their head!
• Finally, try to bring the attitude & spirit with you that you would like to see in others & just maybe it will catch fire.

Dr. JoAnne Barge obtained her PhD in Psychology from the University of California Los Angeles and is licensed as both a Psychologist and as a Marriage and Family Therapist. She specializes in the treatment of addictions and in the family members of addicts and alcoholics. Dr. Barge also provides specialized treatment for depression, anxiety, panic disorders, marital or relationship problems, family of origin conflicts and attachment and loss. Her private practice is located in Brentwood, Los Angeles.