What it do with Lue

Nagging

The number one complaint I hear from men about existing and past relationships and marriages. How it drives or drove them away…all that nagging and complaining.

Checking In

Another popular complaint, why do I have to check in? I don’t even check in with my mother!

The Root

As a woman, as much as a man hates their woman nagging them to death, we also equally hate being considered a “brat” and having to pester, remind you of your worth and ours.

Nagging derives from the origination of a dislike, concern, or care for a person’s wellbeing. This dislike or concern at best was a derivative (maybe the 4th, 5th or 6th) from a soothing expression of our care for you. Our “care” for you reaching your potential of being the best husband, boyfriend, father, professional, friend you can be. We want you to thrive and are your

number one cheerleaders. Our initial good intentions have been elevated, as we view the man has disregarded our concern and care for them as a being and their care for us. Thus the initial calming expression of our concern has transformed into frustration.

When you are or attaining to become a significant part of  a woman’s life, we like to let you into our world by sharing what goes on when you are not around. We also expect that same reciprocity. We like to know if you are going away and made it safely. Not because there is distrust or we are trying to map all of your whereabouts…But because we care for your well-being and have an interest in what goes on in your life when we are not around. Reaching adulthood, attaining your own place, having financial independence…you are now beating to your own drum. Willing to share your life with someone, by way of marriage or attempting to achieve exclusivity, adjustments should be made. Pursuing a relationship and being in one……you should want to let that person know your whereabouts and share what makes you

being who you are. So why not check-in?

The Tamer

The examples of successful marriages and relationships that I have seen in my life, are those where there is an understanding between two people of their expectations and each other’s limitations. While there is disagreement, there is respect for each other’s feelings that the two are willing to come up with a solution. During my travel days with my business colleagues that were married…..I always remember them excusing themselves for 5 minutes to check in with their spouse that they arrived safely, making sure the kids had a normal day and etc. Through several interactions with my married male friends, whom I view have a successful marriage….there was always references of them accommodating their wives “reasonable” expectations. They wanted to avoid the “nag”…..they eventually got it and realized that they are loved and their significant other just wants them to thrive in the best way that he can. Similarly my married lady friends would state the same….maybe it wasn’t the “nag” they were avoiding…in their case the “silent treatment”.

Taming Alternative 1)

Avoiding the “nag” and accepting the “check-in”

• Listen to your woman
• Realize her intentions are from the heart and are not ill-willed
• Adjust and accommodate to her needs
• Or reconcile an understanding

Taming Alternative 2)

• Ignore the “nag”
• Disregard the “Check-in”

The “nag” does not continue in perpetuity. Us as women become tired of hearing our own thoughts knowing they’re not acknowledged. We are not as long-winded as men think. Eventually the “nag” and inquiry of our significant other whereabouts dwindles……we have reached an understanding that our expectations and theirs are not correlated. We stop loving, caring and thinking of your well-being. We become “tamed”…that person whom we thought was significant in our life…..loses his “shrew” and “bugaboo” and often reluctantly regrets as that “shrew”  moves on and eventually transforms into someone else’s queen. Thus goal accomplished we are “tamed” but you as the man who decided to ignore and disregard are now alone.

Written by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.c

om where she discusses relationship
issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with

a quirky and comedic twist.

Posted by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.com where she discusses relationship issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with a quirky and comedic twist.

Rick Avila and Rikke Van Johnson

(By Rick Avila and Rikke Van Johnson)

Together, Rick Avila and Rikke Van Johnson, want to go on record as strongly endorsing Carey Davis for the office of Mayor for the City of San Bernardino. He brings excellent credentials to this position, with an MBA degree from California State University, San Bernardino and 35 years successful accounting and financial management experience. Born and raised in San Bernardino and married for 40 years to Johnetta he is well invested in our City.

As former Mayoral candidates, we feel that Carey Davis is the best remaining candidate to lead in restoring fiscal responsibility to our City; bring integrity and professionalism to City Hall; work toward changing the direction of our City through charter reform; and revive the San Bernardino economy by strengthening existing businesses and encouraging new businesses to create new jobs locally.

We both believe Carey Davis is the best remaining candidate qualified to be our next Mayor. If you want to see honesty and respectability in government leadership, join with us in supporting Carey Davis for Mayor of San Bernardino.

King Dice

It’s so much talent in da’ I.E. What it Do with LUE introduces Hip-hop artist King Dice babe! So that was my attempt to spit some dope lyrics. I know, I won’t let go of my day job, (LOL), On the real it is an honor to highlight this talented individual.

Born in Los Angeles, King Dice moved to the Inland Empire at a young age. In 2011, he launched the ultra-popular website “JooseBoxx.com”, which became one of Southern California’s fastest growing Hip-hop, lifestyle websites. Surrounding himself with other emcee’s reminded him of his first love, music.

Getting back into the groove of making music again, he decided to get his feet wet by entering in various beat making competitions. In 2012, he placed fourth in the “Rehab Beat Battle Competition”. Not giving up, Dice entered the competition again in 2013 and was crowned champion.

Gaining the respect of his peers as a producer and emcee, King Dice tapped into his other talents. In 2013, he founded the “Royal Gambling Club”. The club consists of a small circle of innovative, hard-working and like-minded artists from all walks of life. I love to watch this dude perform. He commands the stage with his presence.

He recently released his first album, “Red Mahogany Drive” in 2013 which was named one of the Top 25 albums of 2013 in the Press-Enterprise with his single “Yahtzee”. He also won an award for the best song named after a board game. “Yahtzee” is one of my favorites, so big up’s to the KING, King Dice that is!

For more information or to check out the music, please visit facebook.com/KingDiceSays Peace & Blessing to you all!

Posted by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.com where she discusses relationship issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with a quirky and comedic twist.

Many times when entering in a relationship or friendship there is initial acceptance of a certain level of trust. What increases your level of comfort with someone? Is it time that has elapsed since initially engaged with that person or the depth of your communication?

When reflecting over obstacles faced in my relationships, I cannot help but to say to myself, now had we communicated our thoughts better this issue would of been a moot topic. In my opinion, trust and communication are directly correlated. Between two people of the opposite sex, this becomes a challenge. When speaking to my girlfriends we have very descriptive conversations, share our emotions whether it is the way our feet felt in our brand new pumps when we hit the town last night or how we are excited in meeting a new guy. Men on the other hand tend to be more reserved, keep it simple share on a need to know basis. If you want to know how there day was, you have to pry it out by asking specific questions. “What type of feedback did you receive from your manager on the presentation you were up all night preparing for?” Not just how did it go. On the other hand, when a man asks a woman how her day went, we as women will start to tell a story. We discuss  how our boss looked at us, what they were wearing and want it to be interpreted by our mate.  But men don’t want to hear all that. They just want to know it went well and as a result there will be a peaceful evening.

The imbalance in my opinion can create trust issues if the man and woman aren’t understanding of the communication expectations from each other. What communication feedback do I as a woman want and need in a relationship? When initiating the possibility of a relationship: communicate expectations upfront. When you are dating: still communicate updated expectations. When exclusively dating or married: still communicate updated expectations. When I refer to expectations not I want to get married in so many months. Gees relax men! Some men hear expectations and think us women are trying to race them to the altar or give them a long list of rules. No not the case at all. In my opinion for most women, we want to hear what type of woman our potential mate likes and explain what keeps us attracted. What thrives you and goals do you have are the questions we want answered. Now these expectations change. So it is important for both mates to stay updated. Only difference is that maybe the communication will need to be more direct and less colorful when speaking to a man. For the man he will need to step up his convo and be a bit more descriptive.

When there are too many unknown variables….alternative conclusions and assumptions are made. Expectations are not met and trust begins to erode as opposed to increasing. Hence, in my opinion communication and trust are intertwined together.

What Are Your Thoughts? Do You Think Communication Fosters Trust?

The news on Saturday Night Live’s (SNL) newest cast member was spreading the online media and social media world like wildfire on Monday, January 6. The reason for the excitement, astonishing announcement is because this new member of the popular television sitcom is a Afro-Centric woman by the name of Sasheer Zamata.

Zamata is an amazing actress, writer and comedian from New York. She hosts a weekly variety show called School Night at UCBNY on Wednesday nights at 11 p.m. In addition she performs improv with Doppelganger  and BUCKY on Harold Nights, which is also held at UCBNY.

This rising star  is set to make her debut on SNL on the January 18 episode, the same night that rap epitome Drake hosts the show.  The casting of the show came after showcases featuring Black female comedians were held in New York and Los Angeles after the long-running sketch series faces widespread criticism that the new stars of the fan favorite sitcom lacked minority faces and specifically the inclusion of an African-American woman.

For more information on the dynamic comedian and actress, follow her on Twitter @thesheertruth, like her on Facebook or visit her official website at sasheer.com. (Written by  Naomi Bonman)

Pastor Raymond Turner

SAN BERNARDINO, CA- On Sunday, January 12 Temple Missionary Baptist Church will celebrate 76 years during an afternoon service at 3:30 p.m. To commemorate this special occasion, Pastor Charles R. Jones of St. Reed Missionary Baptist Church of Los Angeles will be the guest speaker. The church is located at 1583 W. Union Street in San Bernardino. For more information call the church office at 909-880-2038 or visit templemissionarybaptistchurch.org.

Free Food at Yo’ Mama’s Kitchen

Free Food at Yo’ Mama’s Kitchen

SAN BERNARDINO, CA- Who loves free food? If you said yes and are in or near the downtown San Bernardino area come out on Tuesday, January 14 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. to Yo Mama’s Kitchen, 370 W. Court Street in San Bernardino, for a free meal and chance for your office to win meals for five employees, so don’t forget your business cards.
The restaurant serves a variety of food options which includes hot sandwiches, salads, hot dogs, chili dogs, homemade chili (five meats), nachos, chili cheese nachos and more. For more information, call 909-383-9100.

2014 Miss Black San Bernardino Contestants

SAN BERNARDINO, CA-It’s a new year with new roster of Miss Black San Bernardino contestants. The ladies that are in the running for the 2014 crown have been announced. “These young ladies are amazing and have been working hard for a chance to compete for the title of 2014 Miss Black San Bernardino,” Lori Keith, Pageant Coordinator, said.

The young women who will be gracing the stage will consist of April Butler, Alaysia Clark, Bobbie McFerson, Abigail Roney, LeAnn Pollard, Noelle Lilley and Ashley Roney. The event will be held on Saturday, January 25 at the Inghram Community Center located at 2050 Mt. Vernon Avenue, San Bernardino 92411. The program will begin at 6 p.m. Tickets are available at $20 per person.

For more information or to purchase a ticket, please contact Lori Keith via email at lokeygcd@gmail.com.

SAN BERNARDINO, CA- On the afternoon of Wednesday, December 18, WWAM Inc., and it’s business affiliates from around San Bernardino County hosted a special Christmas and Holiday Dinner for the homeless students of Juanita Blakely Jones Elementary School and their parents. Last year WWAM Inc. gave out Christmas presents to each homeless student. This year the organization made bags of toys to be distributed to each class room making each student in the school receive a gift; however, the dinner party was only for the homeless youth. Each family received Christmas food baskets. This event would not have been made successful without the help of local businesses and supportive sponsors which include Ramon Velasco, Principal at Juanita Blakely Jones Elementary; Dr. Margret Hill; Danny Tillman; WWAM Inc. staff; Mike, Orchid Thai Restaurant, 27266 Base Line Street, Highland; Riad Haddad,Phoenicia Greek and Lebanese Cuisine, 572 Orange Street, Redlands; Linda Ignacio, ABC Wic, 1505 W. “17th” Street in San Bernardino; and Nancy Gutierrez, gentle outreach specialist. Dr. Deborah Winn, CEO and Founder of WWAM Inc., along with her staff, Dr. Hill, Mr. Tillman and Principal Velasco will be working together in the next and upcoming years to change the homelessness crisis around to provide them with a place of residence. For more information or to donate to WWAM Inc., please call Dr. Deborah Winn 909-889-9509. WWAM Inc. is a 501 (C) 3 non-profit organization, and all donations count as a tax write-off.

I was in Tucson Arizona on that unforgettable Sunday morning in 1990 when Nelson Mandela was released from prison as I sat transfixed when he was sworn in as South Africa’s first democratically-elected president who happened to be a black man. His death on December 5 made me recount the times and ways he had touched my life.
I became more conscious of the man when the National Council of Negro Women (NCNW), under the leadership of president Dr. Dorothy I. Height, urged the membership to support Winnie Mandela who was being persecuted by the government while her husband suffered at Robbin Island. I was aware of apartheid and the ANC already; and wanted to know more about the man and the plight of his people. I read two books by South African writer, Mark Mathabane, who painted a starkly brutal picture of life for black people in the country.
In 1985, I attend the UN Decade for Women Conference in Nairobi, Kenya with the NCNW where we met 20 South African women who were there without the consent of their government and did not know what would happen to them when they returned home. They said they did not care as they would rather be dead than continue to live the harsh conditions imposed on them. They were inspired by the courageous resistance practiced by Mandela and our delegation discussed the situation with the ladies several times.
Following the conference, our group visited the small country landlocked by South Africa: Swaziland, a kingdom never colonized by a foreign power; we had to go through Johannesburg to get to the country. The women there had replicated the NCNW’s Mississippi Pig Project and we were there to see their progress. We visited with the wives of the king who applauded our joint venture. We talked about the women who were selling their livestock in South Africa, they said “We are neighbors-not friends” and they identified with the struggles of Mandela and his people, but had no other market for their product.
On the way home we encountered a heavy police presence in the Johannesburg airport and I checked the newspaper which stated “BOTHA DECLARES EMERGENCY”. Dr. Height suggested we all buy a paper as it could mean we were seeing the beginning of the end to apartheid, but no one could have predicted that only five years later the end would come. In the meantime, NCNW joined the movement to divest in South Africa.
The local NCNW led a large group to the Los Angeles Coliseum to see Nelson and Winnie Mandela during their American tour where thousands of cheering devotees welcomed the couple to the southland. Soon after  I discovered his biography, “Long Walk to Freedom”  which I highly recommend. It reveals an extraordinary man who never lost his dignity under oppression, one who studied his captors and used what he learned to outwit them and win them over. The book has recently been made into a movie featuring British actor, Idris Elba. Readers will learn a lot about the country, as well as the man.
The most important encounter I had was up close and personal, early into the new century, around the year 2000, I had gone to Washington DC for a Workforce Development meeting and called Dr. Height to chat. She invited me to be her guest at a high level international function that night. Thanks to Dr. Height, I got to meet Nelson Mandela, Gracla Marchal, who was being honored,  and Bishop Tutu. Mandela was a tall, stately man whose eyes exuded brilliance and he looked right at you as if you were important to him. Oh what a night! President Mandela said, “It is not that I have no fear but that I had to act in spite of my fear”. That was the same attitude the 20 women exhibited in Nairobi.
It was the book that finally gave me the in depth view of the man and I encourage readers to read the three books I referred to earlier: The Long Walk to Freedom and African Women by Mathabane.  (Written by Lois J. Carson, San Bernardino resident)